What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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