i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
