sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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