here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
