His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
