it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
