he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
