Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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