physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She swung at the pinata with crutches
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don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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