i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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