If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
