Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
