Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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