I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
