I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
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sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
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So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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