Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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