Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
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There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
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Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.