I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
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Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
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Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.