hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
