I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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