You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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