the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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