i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
