You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
