nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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