'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
