Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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