I think I am morally bankrupt
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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