just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
