Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
