Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
