Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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