I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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