i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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