I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
