508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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