I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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