I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
