I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
