Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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