Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
