His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
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