If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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