UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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