i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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