You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She announced her abortion via fbk
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
