If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
