Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
