girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
