okay pat passed out under dana's car
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Couch. On fire.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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