im about as happy as oj after his trial
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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