turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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