I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
