Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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