wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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