I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
