It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
