Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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