this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
