I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
