How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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