it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
