this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
