PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
