Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
