i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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