OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
