This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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