she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You took a bar mat shot.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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