4 words: hood of his car
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
