Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
