All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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