Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
