I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Did I show you my penis last night?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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