i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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