you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
