TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
