who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
